Nothing is more heart-breaking than being cheated on, however do you forgive them or will they act again, or for that matter do they deserve to be forgiven? You could argue the context, such as being excessively drunk, but isn’t that just a lame excuse? Well we wanted to hear what our readers thought, so we asked 100 people, both male and female, whether they felt a cheater is always a cheater.
71% stated they believed someone who cheats will re-offend. This appears to be quite a substantial number, meaning trust seems to be damaged. Further on from this, we asked whether you would ever forgive a partner for cheating and 93% stated they couldn’t forgive.
When we asked whether they’ve cheated themselves, the interesting answer was that 18% stated they have done, so even though they wouldn’t forgive a partner they have actually been equally guilty in the past.
To those that answered yes to cheating, we asked them what they put the blame to and 50% (9 of 18) stated ‘being young’, while 4 (of 18) stated alcohol was the key factor.
We then asked if the respondents had been cheated on themselves and sadly 41% admitted they have been betrayed by a partner, scarily close to the half way mark. Oh dear Britain, we need some more loyalty! Of those 41 who stated yes, the age of when it happened was asked and there was a clear split, none answered between 30-40 years old, with the numbers split between 20-30 and 40-50 years old. It seems that loyalty is on tap during the thirties, not sure how much to read into this considering the numbers, but a very interesting point!
One area we thought about was the context once again. It is really too easy to state ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’, but how did they get to this position? Infidelity tends not to be so straight cut. You really have to start looking into how they got into the position of cheating and what was the spurring factors. For example:
- What state was the relationship at when it occurred
- Is there an active sex life
- Are they a compulsive liar? What does this date back to and what are the reasons for being one
- Were they in the right time and state of mind to enter a relationship
- How is the work/life balance
- The feeling of ‘something missing’ in the relationship
- Is stress or frustration directed in the right way. Some may misdirect their anger at a partner and blame them for their unhappiness, even if subconsciously
- A feeling of insecurity or insignificance can actually have an opposite effect and lead someone to be unloyal
- What is their mental state and mental health needs
These are just a collection of considerations that must be taken. None are reasonable excuses as such, but more an interesting look into the mindset of someone who has committed adultery. To perceive whether they might do it again requires you to fully understand why they would do it in the first place and to see whether that issue has been resolved.
More importantly, can you move on and accept them again? If you were to hold it over their heads, then the relationship cannot work. It requires complete and utter trust in each other, the removal of jealousy, yet once trust has been damaged it is very hard to see beyond this point.
For some, a relationship can repair and become stronger than ever after infidelity, while in other cases they can reoffend and break the heart once again. This is a very difficult topic, which is why it is so interesting to discuss and to study.
The key area, when discussing with people who have actually been onloyal, was that feeling of ‘something missing’ which seemed to reoccur quite a bit. The thought track is that something was missing in their life and the new person has completed it. This is often based on lust, rather than a logical completion of a gap in the life, as life and relationships can occasionally become tedious when not kept fresh and the inclusion of a new party can seemingly resolve this.
A relationship can be ‘struggling along’ for a period of time, where the romance is struggling, when suddenly a potential alternative romance is presented and it sparks something inside, creating an illusion of perfection externally from the loving relationship. ‘The grass is always greener’ is the outlook that leads them astray.
But I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever been betrayed? Would you forgive them? Or have you forgiven them and they’ve betrayed you again? Whatever happened, do share!